Saturday, October 31, 2015 | By: Lisa LaMendola

Who Am I? Where Am I Going?

I’ve been asking myself those questions, and several more, for the past three years.  I used to know the answers, but then my world changed.  I’m often asked why bad thing happen to good people and my answer is always the same: to teach others. And that answer holds true whether you learn your lessons from the “bad things” or not.  It is your actions, and reactions, that teach others.  Either how to be, or how not to be.  The only problem with that is some people are influenced by your behavior and can become a mini you, learning how not to be.

This is why what you say and how you say it of great importance.  We often think about WHAT we are saying but often we are oblivious to HOW we are saying it!  The words you use are the energy you emit and while you think what you are saying is “accurate” it just might not be positive.  I’m not talking about being “politically correct”, instead I’m talking about using your Moral Compass to choose your words. Just because the words you use seem OK in your head, doesn’t mean they are coming out that way.  I truly think people don’t take the time to think about what they are saying, instead they are on autopilot speaking without regard for how their words are being taken.  Perhaps in the past I didn’t notice it, but when you have a brain injury your thought process is much slower than the average person.  Now I’m not saying the average person is better, in fact I think they could learn a thing or two from myself and my brain injury friends.  We are more acutely aware of what we are saying and how we are saying it, so we notice what you say with more detail; but isn’t that how it really should be?

So this perspective I have on what you say and how you say it, has taken me to a new place of awareness, changing who I am and where I am going.  The thing with brain injuries is they don’t know enough about the brain to fix it, so anyone with a brain injury will always have a sense of having had one.  Whether it be in the way they speak, think, or talk their perception has been completely altered placing them on a new path in life.  Not always a path welcome, but a path that is necessary to move forward in life.  The more consciously aware you are of yourself, your world, and who you are in it, the quicker you realize the necessity of changes taking place.  When you fight the change, the change pushes back because the change is the ultimate lesson.  And yes, I know that your family doesn’t like you changing, but remember if you don’t then who will?  If those around you are fighting your change then they are the problem not the solution.  However when you let go and allow the changes to occur, while life can be bumpy for a while, you will see the forest through all the trees of confusion.

Looking back I can see how many people wanted be to just heal and move on.  Push through, try to be your old self.  Yet that wasn’t possible because I didn’t remember who I was.  That shakes up the family unit when you don’t remember things, past or present.  Now you are forcing those around you to deal with their issues; you know, the ones that they have buried for years.  Yea, so instead of focusing on you and your needs, they are looking at themselves in the mirror and not liking what they see.  So they push back; and sometimes in their effort to save themselves from feeling their own pain they push away.  While you might think this is selfish, it’s just a defense mechanism they have created.  A habit of long held thoughts that were around way before you came along with your new way of being.

So what do you do about them, just let them go?  Exactly.  You help them to hear what you are saying, but not force them to understand.  That will come in time, or maybe not.  That’ is up to them.  You are just providing the opportunity for them to grow within themselves and it is up to them to choose to do so. While the more extensive your injuries, the more you think you need them, but they are not the only ones in your life.  They may be the only ones you are focusing on, but look around…….there is help, and by those you would least expect it from.  It’s not about who you WANT the help from, or who you THINK should be there for you, it’s about who IS there for you.  Whether or not someone is there for you is their lesson, seeing who really is there for you is yours. Yes it is a very hard lesson either way, because you can lose those you thought were your lifeline but in the end you gain your true tribe.

So when I am often asked “how do I find out who I am”?  My answer is always “look in the mirror, past the physical and into the eyes of your soul”, because it is that person you are aware of that is the true you at this moment in time.  If you are not happy with the soul you see then you need to fix it.  First by deciding who you really think you are supposed to be and if you try to tell me you don’t know, then go back and look in the mirror again, because the truth is in the soul and if you listen while you are looking you will know exactly who you are and why you are here.  And that changes over time.  This is a hard concept for many because they think change is hard, or if they change no one will appreciate them anymore.  Actually the opposite is true: change is easy and can happen very fast!  It is our reluctance to change that makes it hard and long.  For when you let go and allow the changes to happen, instead of trying so hard to do what you think is right, magically the universe conspires to make it all possible. 

Need a push?  Let me give you an example, without going into great personal detail.  A year ago I suffered a stroke (which was a remnant of the brain injury I sustained three years ago and produced silent seizures for a constant eight month).  This caused me to lose my memory.  It took a very long time for me to get back to where I could think clear thoughts and make decisions for myself.  Once I was moved away from those who were not able to help me through my condition, the stress lessened and the seizures stopped.  Once the seizures stopped I could focus for longer periods of time (up to 20 minutes) and eventually was able to see the forest through the trees; and that forest was showing me that I could be whomever I wanted to be, create a journey that I wanted to take, and live the life I wanted to live.  While that might sound like a no-brainer to someone else, for me it was a new reality for me because I had nothing to relate it to.  That is when I decided the where and worked with the doctors over a few months to get to the point where my body could now sustain cold temperatures.  Once I got the OK the world magically conspired (over two months-time) to make my dream a reality.  I had nothing to do but show up and allow!  So what made me let go allow?  What was the defining moment for me?  Realizing I had not thing to loose and everything to gain. Where I was living was not feeding my soul, so I set my intention on a place that did.  Actually I set my intentions on two places and allowed the universe to pick the best of the best and within two weeks-time all the plans were made and my bags were packed.  By working with what I had and leaving the rest to the universe I was able to create change in two weeks.  It was the four months leading up to them that took me in and out of my thoughts delaying the process of the change.  So you see, positive change can happen quickly if you just get out of its way.

So now that I have the Where Am I Going figured it out, it’s time to work on the Who Am I part.  I know who I am on the inside, what I am still working on is the “who I am” on the outside.  The part of myself I give freely to the world that is a reflection of myself is always there, how I intend to do that is multifaceted.  It’s time for the author to get back to work on her book, time for the psychic medium to get back to her practice, time for the medical medium and naturopath to get back to her patients, time for the animal communicator to get back to her pets, and time for the shaman to get back to her healing work.  For I am not just one thing I am one person, with many ways of making a difference in this world. My legacy will not be what I leave behind, but what I am giving now.  It will be the lives touched, the souls healed, the pets helped, and the orphans rescued.  And while I have a lot of time to do, I don’t need to rush because I don’t plan on leaving this world anytime soon.  Each day I want to give something, each week I want to touch someone, and each year I want to change a life. 

Today truly is the first day of the rest of your life… what are you going to do with it?

Namaste ~


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